Yin Yoga Saved My Life
Junior year of college, my life looked great. I was a member of a sorority, involved in multiple volunteer organizations, held leadership positions on campus, had a full course load and a part time job. But when I looked in the mirror, I could barely recognize myself. I had gained 30 pounds since high school from having a diet of beer and pizza, I just switched my major for the fourth time, and most of my thoughts surrounded when my next drink would be. I felt completely disconnected, confused about my future, and scared of what the truth held. I simply did things because I saw others doing it and craved the validation I perceived them to receive. In spring of 2013, I hit a rock bottom where I was forced to face it all. I became incredibly sick, resulting in being hospitalized twice. I nearly failed out that semester as I missed all of my finals. I not only felt physically drained, but emotionally and energetically. I felt like a complete empty shell of a human. If someone asked me who I was, I wouldn’t be able to confidently say my name, nonetheless what I valued or was passionate about.
Luckily that summer I had the opportunity to heal in the mountains of Vermont as I worked at a summer camp for children with Autism. I worked alongside young adults from around the world with diverse backgrounds and perceptions of life. I was encouraged to run barefoot, practice yoga, eat plants, and be authentically me. The camp’s foundation was acceptance for everyone’s uniqueness. In supporting this space, I was encouraged to do exactly the same for myself. For the first time in a long time, I felt true acceptance. Not because of my perceived accomplishments, or false connection with the assistance of alcohol. Instead I was accepted because of who I was as a human being. Finding true connection to myself, my community, and the earth was pivotal on my path to healing.
Returning to college that Fall, I had a different sense of direction. I no longer craved disconnecting from myself at the bar, or trying to gain a leadership position in another club. Instead I craved a sense of true connection and belonging to myself. One Thursday I passed a yoga studio on my way back to my apartment on campus. Although Thursday nights I routinely attended our campus’ bar night, I got a ping to switch things up. That night changed the trajectory of my life.
Attending that evening Yin Yoga class, I was reintroduced to parts of myself that I had left behind long ago. Throughout the practice, I felt discomfort and came up against consistent intrusive thoughts. However I was simultaneously guided to tap into one of the most powerful tools of all: self-compassion. Instead of continuing to run from these parts of myself I hated so deeply, I sat with them, I befriended them, and I showed them love. I learned to show my Self love. I was able to be a witness of my story, an observer of the complex being I am. In becoming the observer, I was allowing these parts to be seen and nurtured without taking leadership over my entire system.
As I continued to ease into each pose, I was able to take note of what my body was communicating to me. I felt my internal process slowing down as I quieted my mind long enough to take a breath. In those moments, I felt like I was finally breathing for the first time with my entire being. I felt like I had learned to talk for the first time, as I reconnected to my physical being. I felt embodied.
From that point on, my healing journey unfolded and I was able to uncover how somatic practices can truly be healing for mind, body, and spirit. With yoga, I was able to discover that the “hard” doesn’t go away, nor do we want it to. The “hard” simply becomes a part of our navigation system. In building this communication between body, breath, and mind, I became realigned with my intuition. Within this alignment, I was able to uncover the intrinsic internal reservoir of connection, compassion, courage, and curiosity that is within each of us. This empowerment has truly provided me with the ability to find more peace and freedom within my daily life. For years I had worked so hard to escape from my reality, from myself, by drowning in alcohol and striving for external validation. Now, I am so proud to have the ability to go inwards, take up space, and simply be me.
Now, as a trained clinician and somatic practitioner, my true passion within this field is in re-connecting my clients to their whole being. Oftentimes we see dis-ease and imbalances as an embodiment of the disconnection of our Self, our physical body, and our emotional minds. Through somatic based practices, I empower my clients to intentionally reconnect with all parts of their being to rediscover their strengths and internal resources. Through this work, we are able to process our experiences more deeply, regulate our nervous system, and heal old patterns and trauma within our physical being. These techniques allow us to heal at a deeper level, live a more profound life, and step into our innate power. Where talk therapy ends, somatic therapy enters. Overall this work creates an ability to live a more vibrant and balanced life. As someone who has experienced it for herself, I can vow that this work truly heals.
